the aftermath of a relationship

Can you be friends with your ex? 

Relationships end for numerous reasons. Sometimes they end badly and sometimes it is a mutual decision between the two people involved. If the relationship ended badly, there is probably no way that you want to stay friends with the person that you once called your boyfriend/girlfriend, which makes sense. Why would you put yourself through that torture and stay in contact with a person that hurt you? Simple: You wouldn't. But what if the relationship ended in an amicable way? Is it really possible to put those feelings to the side completely or will those feelings slowly start emerging again? 

Everyone says that staying friends with your ex is probably the worst thing you could do. Since ex's are in the past - why would you go back to them, even if it is to only be friends? 

There are really two sides to this:

  1. You can never be "just friends" with someone you fell in love with. 
  2. Being friends with your ex shows that you two are mature enough to get over the fact that you were not meant to be together.

There is really no right or wrong answer to this. It is all up to the individuals. 

When my ex broke up with me I was heart broken. I thought my world was going to come to an end since it really caught me by surprise. We had had some problems within our relationship - but then again, what relationship hasn't had problems, but I was not expecting a break-up! The reason he gave was that he was no longer in love with me and that he did still love me, but as a friend. I mean how is a person suppose to react when they hear this! 

I mean any break-up is hard, but after having processed it, I realised that what he said is true. Time heals all wounds. And I am not going to lie, when I called and needed him, even if it was only to talk, he was there. But I also realised, after some time, that we were not meant to be together. We had a wonderful relationship with a lot of good moments, that we will always have in common, but we were not meant to stay together. And we have both had some short relationships since, and even talked about those together, but then again, everything was very friendly. 

Present Day 

Recently we have started to have a more contact with one another. Not everyday, and sometimes not every week. But a few messages here and there asking how the other person is and if everything is ok, just being friendly. I am fine with this, since this is a person that I once loved, having news from him and seeing that he is being successful makes me happy. Recently we decided to go for a drink together. It was a real spur of the moment decision and when I was agreeing to it is seemed as an okay idea. As the time that he was suppose to pick me up approached, I started stressing. I do not know why, but I think the fact that we have not sat down in public and shared a drink since we broke-up. We have seen each other, I have slept at his and he has slept at mine (everything was very PG), we have helped each other in some situations, but it was never in public and for some reason being with him in public scared me. I think the fact that he was coming to pick me up, like he used to do when we were dating, freaked me out and that we were going to the restaurant were we always went for dinner and drinks.

Now that it is in the past, I do not know why I was scared or nervous. I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we had a really good time. But the kind of good time that you have with a friend. When sex is off the table, it is so easy to just be yourself. We talked about some memories that we had, laughed and joked about some mistakes that we had after our relationship ended. I mean I can't say if you can or cannot be friends with your ex but I believe that if you both appreciate each other and have respect each other it is worth a shot.

 

xxxx

Amanda