Wow! What a hectic weekend!! Have you ever heard the saying that "bad news happens in threes"? Well, this was my case this weekend. Nothing super bad happened - I think that it was just an accumulation of a lot of things that just exploded into one weekend of pure bad luck.
Anyways, its a new week, and even though I've only gotten bad news until now - I am hoping that this will change.
Today I want to discuss red flags...
I mean we all have them, some people have them more than others. So the definition of a red flag is: a warning of danger or a problem.
That’s where the problems begin… you sleep with someone, you start rationalizing away all the red flags. - Stanford Blatch
I mean I can share that a great deal of the guys that I have dates had red flags all over them. I would have friends and family come up to me and beg me to wake up and see the guy for who he really is. But maybe Stanford is right, maybe there is that one line, that once it is crossed there is no going back... Maybe if I had not slept with them I would have been able to see all the red flags before it was too late.
I mean my friends still tell me that I still come up with excuses as to why my ex-boyfriends acted the way they did, and shockingly most of the time I'll defend them. I think that my only argument is that when I start caring about someone, I put all my energy into them. I am one of these girls that looses herself in love. And when I get treated badly or neglected I will 80% on the time find an excuse as to why it is my fault, instead of the guys. The worst part is that I am fully aware that I am doing it, I know that this is my red flag so to say. I refuse to be the kind of person that doesn't own up to things - so yes, I have a lot of red flags as well, and one of them being that I am oblivious to the guy that I am dating.
After having done a little research into red flags in relationships and this is what i found:
- Lack of communication
- Irresponsible, immature, and unpredictable
- Lack of trust
- Significant family and friends don't like your partner
- Controlling behaviour
- Feeling insecure in the relationship
- A dark or secretive past
- Non-resolution of past relationships
- The relationship is build on the need to feel needed
- Abusive behaviour
So these are 10 key relational red flags to look out for. I have a feeling, from past experience, that these red flags don't show right away. Most of the time these red flags are hiding under the surface and one by one they start to relieve themselves. Once it goes past number three (lack of trust), the relationship is over. If a guy does not trust you, he will try and control you. I have had so many of these relationships that now that I am not with some one who's controlling I freak out. I think that I should have my mother choose out a guy for me, but we do not have the same taste in men! Like it's not that she has bad taste in men, but the guys that she wants me to date - it would never happen, lets just leave it at that.
Maybe what Stanford Blatch says is Sex and the City is right. Maybe the problem really start once you sleep with them. Once that barrier of intimacy is down and you feel that you have to justify your actions and then only way of doing that is through ignoring, or excusing the red flags.
Anyways, thats something to think about..
Saturdays post will be up shortly, but it still needs some editing, I'll put in a link for it later.