Chapter 1 : THE KEY

To understand me, you have to understand where I came from, not my family and who they are, but how I grew up. I admire my parents so incredibly much and they are my role models. But to be able to understand me and how my mind, brain and soul works is the key to how I have become the person I am. 

This blog is not going to entertaining to a lot of people, but at least it will be something to read. And if you don't like me for me, well maybe you will have a reason to start to like me, because hand to God, I am not a bad person. This blog/ journal is going to drain me physically and emotionally and I want to give myself a voice, in the hopes that one person (or more) will have had the same experience as I, and will feel that they are not the only person in the world that bad things have had happen to them. 

 

I am not a girls girl. Whatever that is suppose to mean; I have never had very close girlfriends. The girlfriends I have have the same mentality as me and we see ourselves as guys. This is probably something that has gotten me into a lot of my problems because I do not necessarily see it as a bad thing. Not that this has brought me closer to understanding the opposite sex, because it hasn't, but it has given me a life lesson: live life and don't care.

We are all so worried about what people (that we don't know) will think about us to the point that we actually forget to live... So I am 24 years old, turning 25 in a few months, and since the age of 14, I have had people talking about me. Me, myself and I, I do not mind people talking about me. If people have nothing better to talk about, then go ahead. If a small (thick) Swedish girls life is more important to talk about than your own then go ahead: TALK. Whether it is true or false: talk. Get it through your heads that you are not hurting me, you are hurting my family. 

Rumours spread like viruses and there is not antidote. It is like all of the zombie movies that are popular for the moment (The Walking Dead), there is no cure. Once a rumour is out there and it starts to be modified, there is no turning back. I can talk about this in first person. Rumours:  are started by haters, spread by fools and accepted by idiots. This goes for EVERYONE. We are all sheep and we ALL judge people faster than we should. Don't judge a book by its cover, well that is what we have grown up to do... like it or not. 

Rumours have made me into the person that I am, there was a moment that I believed everything that was being said about me... and that is the hardest part to admit. The things I could have done differently if things would have happened differently, but we can't change the past and I am not looking to find excuses, because I made my bed and I am lying in it. But rumours have built my life, and if you are part in spreading them, I don't want apologise, I am not looking for anything. This is not a place where you get to read and see your wrongs, this is a place where I write and you REALISE your wrongs. People whom have been part in spreading rumours about me and have admitted it to me, I have forgiven - as for the rest - I thank you, and I have nothing against you, but this blog/journal is for me - not for you. 

 

More will be coming, but as I have mentioned, it will come with time. Stay posted - it will get juicy. 

 

xxx,

Amanda