11.01.2017

Cheating

- adultery - deceitful - double crossing - unfaithful - snaky - sneaky - two timing -

What counts as cheating today? What actions count as cheating? Sex? Kissing? Spending more time with someone who is not the person you're in a relationship with?

When exactly does cheating begin? 

  1. Flirting 
  2. Confiding in the opposite gender
  3. Spending time alone with someone else
  4. Talking negatively about your friends
  5. Talking on social media with someone of the opposite gender 
  6. Dressing to attract the attention of someone other than your boyfriend/girlfiend
  7. No sexual drive with your boyfriend/girlfriend 
  8. Putting everything before your relationship

I don't support cheating, I believe that if you are going to cheat, you might as well break up. Being in a relationship and cheating is, for me, the difference of love and lust. You might love the person you are in a relationship with but you lust for someone else, but if you really love the person you are with you won't act on your other emotions. This is where I believe that you have to know what exactly cheating is and when you are doing it (when it starts). I am a super protective girlfriend, for me my boyfriend is mine and if another girl laughs with him or touches him in the wrong way, I feel sorry for both of them. I mean then there are always exceptions, like: friends and family. But you know these little girls in the night clubs with their baked faces, hooker heels and teeny tiny dresses that are just on the prowl for, God knows what, these girls always tend to cause the problems and why do they only seem to want to talk to guys, who they most likely know, are in relationships... 

So when does cheating start?

I mean even if I am protective and super possessive, I understand the need of wanting to be desired. I have been accused several times of being too much of a flirt and in High School I even got the award for being the biggest female flirt. Flirting is not cheating. But then again there is flirting and there is flirting. I believe that everyone has that gut feeling when a line is being crossed; there is a socially acceptable way of flirting with someone you are not together with and then there is flirting when you are only after one thing - getting into their pants. 

So many people say that it's not cheating unless you have sex with someone else but I don't necessarily think that is true. Cheating happens as soon as you are lying and making up excuses to the person you're in a relationship with. Because, let's face it, there is physical cheating (sex) and then there is emotional cheating (feelings). Both are considered cheating but in different ways. They often say that if men cheat, they cheat with their penis, and when women cheat, they cheat with their hearts. Now, I believe that women can also cheat for the physical part and men for the emotional part, but in the end they are both cheating. The easiest solution for this is that if you want to cheat, just end it. I think that once the idea has entered your mind it will always stay there. 

But then... once a cheater, always a cheater?

This is where is gets complicated. When people get caught cheating, they will most likely promise never to cheat again. However, making these promises does not always guarantee that it will never happen again. If you want to be able to change certain behaviours, you must first determine the reason as to why the cheating occurred in the first place. Cheating can be caused by a number of different factors and therefore it is important to identify the underlying cause. For example: if your partner cheats because of problems in the relationship, then you can choose to work in strengthening those areas. However, if the cheating is influenced by sexual desire, the thrill in getting caught and taking risks or just the need of feeling needed, these reasons can be most difficult to change.

I believe that if you want to know someones future behaviour, you have to look at their past. If you are not able to change, or even identify, the underlying reasons as to why the cheating occurs - the possibility that it will happen again is very high. Change is possible but it requires effort and commitment. If you are able to cheat once in a relationship, you are probably able to cheat again. But that does not mean that you will still cheat if you change partners. I think that in the end everything comes down to lust and love. If you are with the right person you will not have to cheat, it's as simple as that.

 

xoxo

Amanda